25 october 2022
the last time we spoke, it was june. i feel like i preface these newsletters in the same way every time — holy fucking shit time is flying back sooooo incredibly fast. in the blink of an eye, it’s almost november! 🥲
how have you been doing- like really?
me? well. a mental breakdown here, a mental breakdown there: nothing out of the ordinary. when life gets a bit too hard, the easiest thing you can do for yourself is to just simply cry. but we always manage to pick ourselves up, and writing this newsletter is my way of doing that.
i always find myself turning back to these newsletters whenever i’m in a state of distress and turmoil. there’s a lot of stigma behind venting on social media, and i know i’m getting tangled in the details, but i don’t find it easy to do. on a newsletter though? sign me up 😌👋
to those who have stuck around to read these newsletters, i am so incredibly thankful for you— for being able to relate, empathize, and open up to me about similar experiences. this newsletter is my way of being vulnerable, and i’m so appreciative to those who look forward to them.
in this newsletter, you’ll learn about my friendships, my corporate life so far, and where life is going to take me next. hope you enjoy 💗
friendships are fucking hard (duh)
as an adult, it feels so incredibly difficult to create lasting friendships — but what if we shifted our mindset and looked deeper?
there are so many reasons why making friends as an adult can feel more difficult:
ex. how tf can i be vulnerable with a stranger?
we aren’t provided with the tools and resources to make new friends
ex. school/office/work environments were removed because of COVID, so no more lunchtimes, recess, or happy hours at a dive bar
ex. if i don’t click with someone the first time i hang out with them, it’s not worth it
like a garden that needs to be tended to, friendships are the same. there tends to be a lack of empathy and understanding for others the older we get, which can turn into miscommunication and resentment— but this only happens when we forget to do the inner shadow work to heal our inner child. things happen, and we forget everything that we’ve worked hard for and get triggered once again.
lately, i’ve been resenting a close friend. i’ve been distant, trying to “get my ducks in a row”, allowing them to cross my boundaries and permeate the patience that i worked so hard for (i’m naturally hot headed).
i’ve been asking myself to look inward to understand why i’m feeling how i do, why i’m reacting how i do, and how can heal my inner child so i don’t become enamored with anger, fear, and hopelessness within my friendship.
if you didn’t already know — getting a job is tough in this climate
i left my first full time, big girl tech job back in august. it came as a surprise, but the feelings we mutual. during the last few months, i’ve been relaxing, hanging out with friends, and doing the things i really wanted to do, like traveling, eating, and taking photos that i need to develop (six rolls of film, to be exact).
now that i’ve exhausted all of my options (aka my finances), i was finally ready to start working again. but i completely forgot how hard it was to put yourself out there, how to pitch yourself, and what to ask for what you want.
it just all doesn’t seem like… me.
i’ve always been one to follow the rules and do as i’m told, but that burns me out more quickly than ever. so now, i’m not following the rules, doing what i want.
but how do you do what you want without doing what others need from you first?
well. no idea. but i’m freelancing now, trying to work things out. things will get better. the economy will get better (maybe).
PNW girly for life
if you didn’t already know, Micah and i are moving to Vancouver, BC. not much to say here, other than Boston has been great to us (despite the circumstances), and i’m so excited to leave my home state to experience the pacific northwest.
sometimes change of space is what’s truly needed, and although currently doubtful of what my future holds, i’m hopeful that Vancouver can offer peace, serenity, and new opportunities to grow.
i hope you enjoyed this little read and glimpse into my brain. let me know what you think on twitter or instagram.
stay healthy, stay healing, and stay curious.
xx, j ☻
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