a necessary update 🌀

the artist's way, healing my relationship with exercise, and what's next on the agenda

i know i talk about this a bunch, but i’ve been unemployed since july 2023. i’ve been freelancing since then, and it’s been a whirlwind.

and this might sound cliché- like you’ve heard me say this before- but i’ve been thinking about my purpose, my reason, why i show up online. maybe it’s because i’m approaching my late twenties, but i’ve been pulled to figuring out my purpose more than ever.

is it crazy to say that i think my purpose is to be the people’s person? it might be. but i can’t help it— i love sharing my life with you. i love connecting with people, mutually understanding each other while also being the breath of fresh air that someone needs in the current state of the world.

as i approach this new chapter of life, i want to update you on some things i’ve been doing in the meantime— new routines, new habits, things i’ve been working on, and what i’ve been into. ✨

the artist’s way

it’s no surprise why this book (or course, rather) has sprung up every few years. i’ve been feeling creatively blocked— not like a writer’s block because i love to write in my free time— but not feeling connected to my work. i’m creating into a void for the sake of practice and routine, but not fully immersing myself in it. it’s like having one foot in the door, and the other outside.

doubt, shame, imposter syndrome. these all accumulated into creating work that’s authentic to me, but it doesn’t feel quite there yet. i don’t consider myself a risk taker. but being creative is a risk. so many folks call me creative— an artist, a writer, a photographer— all inherently creative things. but i’ve never truly viewed myself this way. i’m literally just a girl.

i see myself through my mom’s lens, through childhood bullies, old friends. it’s like i only ever created to prove myself to these people, but never to prove to myself that i’m fully capable of being creative.

i’ve seen a lot of discourse about the artist’s way online, and whether or not you’re into it, isn’t up to me. but i can confidently say that this has been changing my brain chemistry— practicing the art of following my intuition, trusting myself and the decisions that i make, and understanding how my brain responds to all of the hard things— has done me so much good versus harm.

i don’t follow all of its tasks to a T, and i take my time to digest and process the things i’m feeling and the things i wrote. it’s crazy how much your brain runs in circles, and how it spirals into negativity in a blink of an eye.

also… doechii did this, if that makes this more enticing for you :)

taking care of my physical body

not super surprising— but i’ve been taking multivitamins nearly every day (omg shocker!!!). i was never a supplements girlie, but i did get influenced by someone on tiktok to take multivitamins by maryruth’s. it’s in liquid form, and i combine it with a pack of emergen-c (i’m not the best at eating fruits lol), and it tastes phenomenal. yes, i could take a multivitamin pill and eat my oranges, but i’m seriously nurturing my inner child by taking supplements that taste good, prioritizing form over function.

another thing i’ve been doing is lifting weights at the gym and exploring other methods of working out. i don’t weightlift as often as i’d like (you know what they say— the hardest part is actually going to the gym), but i’ve seen some improvement :) i’ve been working on reframing how i think about moving my body and exercise— defaulting to it when i feel bored or lethargic.

my body has changed so much over the last five years, and i’m finally at a place where i feel comfortable enough to challenge myself, to take on new routines and habits.

what tf do y’all know about bulgarian split squats ! ! ! ! !!

sharing my creations with the world

i think it’s incredibly easy for me to share what’s in my brain with you and the world wide web. but i think it’s very hard for me to artistically articulate the feelings i want you to feel. can you relate?

anyway- i’ve been uploading videos to youtube on and off for the last year, and it’s been really fun creating my own little documentaries for my future self to look back on. my childhood bestie texted me the other day telling me that she was watching my latest video, and she reminisced the time she spent here in seattle. it was like music to my ears— the intended purpose of my videos are actually coming to life in real time.

screenshot from my last youtube vid :)

i’ve also been indulging in film photography and working on a photobook these days. there’s something so rewarding about delayed gratification, not stressing over taking the perfect photo. i lost a bit of progress on figma (i’m not surprised), but it’s okay. i’m learning how to take things slow and to take my time. it’s the universe telling me that it’s not the right time yet.

reflections on self, what’s next

it feels like i’m turning a page, flipping over to the other side of the leaf. it might be the (almost) daily morning pages, but i feel like my thoughts are finally a little less jumbled, like i’m actually starting to understand why i feel like how i do, why i’m always blocking myself from doing the things i want to do, and why i keep holding myself back from living the life i want.

i’m not sure if you can relate, but i notice how much i love my hobbies, but they never really go anywhere. i’ve built up skills that i could share with other people and i’m always too scared to take it any further.

it’s not a bad thing to enjoy something for yourself. but it feels so good when it’s enjoyed by you and other people. it’s like sharing your favorite excerpt of a book with a friend, your photography with those who appreciate it, selling your handmade jewelry or knitted items to people who appreciate and love it.

i want to work on showing the things i’m working on with you, and i implore you to do the same. creating as a means to connect, shamelessly sharing bits of my life with you. in the grand scheme of it all, no one really truly gives a fuck and we’re just fighting with ourselves a majority of the time.

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if you read this far, thank you?!?!?!?! it’s hard for me to comprehend that people actually enjoy reading my newsletters talking about my life from time to time. i’ll try to be better at this— opening up my life in hopes that you can relate and understand where i’m coming from so you can feel less alone.

i sometimes wish i had more profound things to say— but that’s not what this newsletter is about :)

to close out this newsletter, i want to tell you something that i learned from julia cameron, the author of the artist’s way:

Only when we are being joyfully creative can we release the obsession with others and how they are doing (or what they think about us).

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a few admin things before i let you go:

i’m thinking about writing about specific topics for future newsletters. if you have any questions related to life, freelancing, creativity, or you just want to chat, hit up my dm’s on instagram. i want to be more proactive about chatting with you!

i’m also going to be more proactive here. seriously. i’m serious this time. watch me!!

and with that, i hope you have a great rest of your week ♡