the unemployed diaries

we go through them at least once in our lifetime.

17 october 2023

hi friends- it’s been months since my last newsletter. i’ve been trying to cohesively lay out my thoughts for you as the months have gone by, and within a sea of drafts, i can’t seem to quite pick the best one to send.

since we last spoke back in april, i’ve gone through:

• a move back into the united states (seattle),

• and a layoff from my tech job.

while the list seems quite short, these two things combined made for a full plate of depression and disappointment within myself and others.

in this newsletter, i talk about my career struggles in the tech industry, why i’m turned off by the tech bubble, and what i’ve been doing to stay grounded.

again, thank you for sticking around despite my flakiness. i’ve been so flaky with others, and want to apologize for that. life has been hard lately.

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i’m done with the facade 😶‍🌫️

fa·cade, noun
an outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or credible reality.

since our move out of boston back in early 2023, it feels like life has kind of sloped into a downward spiral. from my partner losing his job, to us moving back to the states, then to me losing my job, it all kind of feels as if it was for nothing- even though a lot of it was out of our control.

it’s been a real challenge to pretend as if everything’s fine and dandy. i vividly remember my ex-CEO telling me during our exit call that i’ll “find something that’s even better” and that i can better use my skills elsewhere, as if that would make me feel better.

don’t get me wrong- i like him, look up to him, and admire his resilience, knowledge, and talent. but inconvenient timing.

Micah showed me a tiktok today, and it was of a woman in her car, speaking about her experience with corporate america. that we’re all in our silly little roles even if we don’t like the work that we do, because at the end of the day, it’s a role we play. and when managers or higher ups start to question your role and how you perform in it, we take incredible offense to it.

isn’t it silly how we play these roles to the point where we personify ourselves within them and forget who we are by the end of it?

tech is ugly 🫢

during my ~interim~ period, i’ve thought long and hard about my job situation, and how to maintain financial security. in short, it’s just been exhausting. i know a lot of my friends who are either employed or not feel the same way.

i’ve lost people that i’ve considered to be friends because of the tech bubble. the attention on twitter, endless line of clients, and the finances to fund an entire year made in a singular month really just fucked with some people’s heads and their sense of human intimacy.

the way i got into tech was by accident, and like many others, when i got into it, i was hooked. hollering to the moon to my friends about how easy it all is. between 2020 and now, tech had a crazy boom. all of my friends were getting employed, VCs were pouring money into every startup that needed it, and we were prospering. now, that just feels like lightyears away.

i want to sincerely apologize to those that ever felt pressured by me to work in tech. this shit’s garbage a lot of the time.

now that i can see the greed, the politics, and everything in between, i’ve been so turned off by the tech bubble. despite this, tech truly changed my life. solving made up problems helped me pay my bills and provided financial security.

i can’t bear the thought of working a 9 to 5 after being let down time and time again, but i’m really, truly, taking my sweet time to try and find the right company, even if it’s hard for me to be picky.

we all deserve to work in spaces that we care about.

turning over a new leaf 🍃

during this time, i’ve really tried my best to enjoy everything that seattle has to offer. i’ve had the privilege of hanging out and getting to know my friends better, take time for myself to indulge in all of the things that i like, and meet new people in the city.

i want to thank Courtney and Bradley for welcoming us into seattle. they’re some of the most selfless and kindest people that i’ve met, and i’m so grateful for their time, space, and energy.

i also want to thank Taylor for hosting the most amazing hand building classes at rain studio. if it wasn’t for their hand building classes, i probably would’ve stayed home to rot during this time. the time i spend in the studio is truly meditative, and i was able to make some new friends, too. i highly recommend their classes if you’re looking for something to do with your hands.

i have a few books in my roster, including:

• 8 rules of love by jay shetty

• yume by sifton tracey anipare

• ma and me by putsata reang

i’ve also been creating on the web, mostly on tiktok and here, and dabbling into cold emailing my favorite brands for brand deals, hoping that i can get out of tech until i’m ready to go back to it again.

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i hope you were able to resonate with some of the feelings that i rambled on about in this newsletter, and i hope you were able to find some comfort in it. it was truly liberating for me to be able to write this.

while you’re reading this, you’re definitely aware of what’s going on in palestine. aside from my little rambles, nothing compares to what’s happening to the palestinian people. my aching heart goes out to all of my friends in palestine. they need to be freed.

i highly recommend educating yourselves about what’s happening. this comprehensive thread has links to resources to help palestinians and educate yourself about the history of this ongoing war. there’s a lot of propaganda out there, stay safe and do your research.